Frustration In The Battlefield

I find myself feeling frustrated quite often. Frustrated is the best word I can think of to describe how I feel when it comes to my mental health. I’m frustrated at my brain, at what it makes me feel and think, and frustrated that at times I can't control it. I’m frustrated at my anxiety, I'm frustrated at my OCD, and I'm frustrated at my depression (which is a newer thing that I'm experiencing). It’s difficult when I can feel my brain working against me and at the same time feeling too defeated and drained to fight it. I get mad when I actively have to fight my brain, it’s exhausting and it can be constant for days at a time. I know that what I'm feeling and thinking is due to my mental illnesses and yet, I feel like there's no way to fight it. I know the tools I need to use to battle those thoughts but I get so tired of going to battle that I can’t help but feel like life would be so much better if I didn’t have this and I get angry that no matter how frustrated I get, I will always have this. It’s a helpless feeling. It makes me sad when I get to that point, the point where I'm so emotionally drained that I feel like I can't help myself. The only good thing about realizing my frustration and exhaustion is that I know my brain is still fighting, even if it doesn't seem like it. By being frustrated I am working against the thoughts and still have motivation to fight, even if it’s just a little. I’m exhausted because my brain wants me to be okay, it’s working against itself to help me, it means I’m healing and I’m living. I’m sharing this because I want to express my frustration in a healthy way and for people to realize that mental health isn’t just anxiety attacks and sadness, there are so many emotions tied to it and it really just depends on the day and the person. Regardless, every emotion felt is valid and okay, it’s just your brain getting ready for battle.