COVID-19: A Time For Reflection

It’s March 16th, 2020 and the world is at a panic. You would have to be living under a rock to not know about the corona virus, also known as covid-19. Everyone is freaking out and I don’t blame them. Personally, I’m more scared of the panic than I am the actual virus. I know that I feel that way because I’m at an age where even if I did get it, I would probably recover with no problems, I know that it’s not a high risk situation for me personally. This pandemic has caused a lot of fear throughout the world and that’s what I’m going to write about today. There’s nothing that I can do about the virus itself, I’m not a doctor and at the end of the day there's nothing I can truly do to fix it. However, I can control how I react to it.

I’ve always been scared of all things germs and sickness, it was my biggest fear growing up. I remember freaking out every time someone at school would throw up, I would hold my breath around people who had been sick, I would bite my fingernails till they hurt because I was so stressed about the possibility of throwing up. I’ve always been very clean and very careful and I know that I've always taken precautions that most people didn't, until now. I think one of the main reasons I haven't fully panicked about the virus itself is because I know that I already do everything they're telling us to do now, it’s nothing new for me and I don't have to change my daily routine in order to feel safe. I also don’t currently work during the day so it’s not like I’m a stranger to watching movies during the day and being up at night. I will say that I have stocked up a little extra on the essentials (chips and wine) and I don’t feel bad about it.

I have been trying to remind myself that by self isolating I’m doing the best thing I can do in order to prevent this for myself and for my family. My hardest thing about this situation is that I have very little control over it and I can’t possibly know how bad this could get. The only thing I can control is where I am and how I react. As someone with both OCD and anxiety; control and information is something I look for in every situation. The only way I feel grounded and calm is when I know what’s going on and how to handle it. I know that I can’t control how many people are getting sick, I can’t predict how long this will last, I don't know if it will get worse, I can't control any part of it. That's when I panic. I see people running in grocery stores to get the last of the freaking toilet paper as if that’s going to save them and think well if they are panicking I probably should be too. Since the virus is new and we know so little about what it could do it makes sense that people worry, I know I’m not the only one that needs to feel informed and useful in order to feel safe and secure. It’s hard seeing people scared in such a large group. It’s easier to ignore when it’s just a certain group of people voicing concern over something but this is everywhere and everyone is talking about it. I’ve seen more about this virus in the last week than I’ve seen about what new stupid thing Donald Trump did in the last 3 months, that’s a lot and that’s frightening.

My mental health has definitely been impacted by this situation. I find myself feeling out of control and anxious. I’m trying to not think about the worst case scenario but I have anxiety… that's what it does. Anxiety isn't logical, it isn't reasonable. Anxiety finds one tiny thing that could be wrong and it picks at it and analyzes it and turns it into an absolute shit storm. This virus is a great excuse for anxiety to do it’s thing. I know I’m not the only one struggling; you don’t have to be diagnosed with a mental illness to feel that anxiety. I keep reminding myself that of course my brain is trying to make this worse than it already is, it’s the perfect opportunity for my mental illness to attack. I have to remind myself that while I'm not in control of the virus I am in control of me. I’m finding ways to ground myself and centre myself without having the answers I think I need. I’ve also been doing a lot of binge watching movies to distract myself but that’s okay too.

While I’m writing this I keep trying to think how I'm going to add in that we'll all be okay and that everything will be alright, but I can’t say that for sure. I don’t know what will happen, people have been dying and as scary as it is it’s a reality of life. What I can say is that I take comfort in knowing that there are so many people trying their best and learning from other countries mistakes, we’re doing what we can to get ahead of this and while it’s overwhelming to see information about it everywhere, I know it’s only to give us the best chance at preventing it from getting worse. I have faith in God and his plan and I have faith in people and their abilities. If I've learned anything from this past week it’s that there are so many people willing to help. People are helping strangers daily, they're giving up their resources to the people that didn't have them in the first place. I’ve seen a lot of posts about how selfish people are being at grocery stores and yes that’s happening and yes that sucks but for the most part people are helping each other. I've seen articles about strangers helping senior citizens get the food and medication they need so that they can stay safe in their homes. I’ve seen people donating to shelters all over. There’s fundraisers happening and programs forming to make sure that everyone is taken care of. It’s those things that we need to look at in times like this, those are the things that will give us hope. It’s easy to think about yourself right now, everyone wants to take care of themselves and that's okay but we also need to remember the ones who can't take care of themselves in situations like this. There’s people who think that self isolating is unnecessary and maybe it is for you personally because even if you do get it you'll be okay but we need to realize that this isn’t all about us. There are people who can really suffer from this and by isolating the problem we can prevent others from that suffering. We need to think about the ones who are most vulnerable to this virus, if you're scared just imagine how someone with an autoimmune disease feels, or someone with heart problems, think about those who are sick in their everyday life to begin with. It’s not time to be selfish, it's time to be compassionate.

We’re being given time to reflect and to appreciate the things we have. Take this time with your family and friends to share stories, play games, make stupid crafts, do a puzzle, anything that you wouldn’t do in your usually busy life. Appreciate the people around you, tell them you love them, laugh with them and spend time with them. It’s easy to be scared but it’s better to look at what we can do with this time other than panic. I get to spend the week with my mom with no interruptions, we can watch Mamma Mia and eat whatever we want, how great is that?! It’s frightening, but I’m trying my best to think about the positive and I hope after reading this you’re able to take a minute and do the same.

Above all, stay safe and try your best. I believe in us.